Jihad: my post-conversion struggle
August 23, 2009 by Guest Author
Ramadan 2009 Timetable for Greece
Jihad: my post-conversion struggle
By Adam Christodoulou
Everyone, non-Muslim or Muslim goes through personal struggl
es throughout their life. These struggles in Islam are know as jihad. Allah (swt) has designed these jihad for us to test our faith. As we go through these jihads, we have to remain steady in our love for Allah (swt) and Islam. Today, I want share a personal jihad with you that I went through recently.
A week ago, my wife and I were walking down the street talking about how we miss alcohol. Then, I was thinking to myself, why don’t we buy some liquor for tonight and only tonight? I told my wife that we are going to the store to buy alcohol.
She was like “Ok, we’ll need to buy some after a rough day at work and school.” I am like, “I agree. We need some, however, we will only drink tonight.” She replied, “Ok, let’s do it.” We head towards the store.
Meanwhile, in my head the good was fighting the evil. The good side was saying, “Adam, Allah is watching you. Alcohol is haram you can go to hellfire.” The evil side was saying, “Adam Allah will forgive you. He will understand”. I saw the store and told my wife we can’t do this. We are Muslim and we can’t drink. Al hamduillah, we come through this alhamdu lillah. We walk away from the store Alhamdu lillah.
During the same week we went through another challenge (jihad). My wife wanted to take off the hijab and I was going to go back to the Roman Catholic faith. During that week, we were having religious problems with my family in Greece and personal problems as well.
I just reached my limits with all the problems so I thought to solve all my problems and decided on a solution to go back to the Roman Catholic faith. However, my Muslim side of me told before I do this, I will reach out to all my Muslims brothers and sisters, Greek or not.
Alhamdu lillah, I reached out to all the Muslim brothers and sisters by posting “Leaving Islam?” on facebook as my status. Afterwards, a got more than a dozen message and emails from Greek Muslims and Muslims across the world alhamdu lillah. I felt that I had the support that I need, however, the local support was smaller and more difficult to find. Khair it’s all good. After emailing sisters and brothers and talking to them over the phone we got through the jihad. The most important thing that I did was I turned to Allah (swt) and ask for his forgiveness and his support. Alhamdu lillah it arrived. We are proud Muslims.
Jihads will always come at us at the worst time of our lives, however, if we turn to Allah (swt) inshallah we will get through the jihad. In addition, we can also turn to our brothers and sisters for support. We are here for each other and we all go through the same struggles. Whether it is the wearing the hijab, drinking or other haram acts. We need to stay on the right path for the love of Allah (swt).
Adam Christodoulou
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Note: Jihad literally means struggle and the best struggle is conquering personal struggles within yourself.
Salamu3alaikum brother Adam,
May Allah reward you and your wife for over coming your desires for His sake. Being Muslim is not easy, especially when family members find it difficult to accept you after your conversion. May Allah strengthen all of our faith and keep us on the straight path ameen. Something to keep in mind that you’re not alone and that there are lots of people out there in the world who are struggling with similar if not greater difficulties as all of us.
Salams,
Lama
Assalam Walaikum Adam and Nicole. I want to be the first to expend my deepest regret be saying, sorry. If you feel let down b ythe community we should be doing more to reach out to you.
One way we can do this is by getting you onto the New Muslim yahoo group we have established in London for people just like you.
As well I’d like to encourage you both to come out to our events so you may get the Muslim brotherhood you need to feel a part of our community.
There will be a New Muslim family iftar August 31st at the Moqsue. Please join us. As well check out the websight for Al-Mughrib and see about siging up for they’re course coming to London in October.I’ll send you they’r link, Inshallah.
May Allah keep your Islam strong, Ameen.
Lisa Osman
Muslim Outreach Committee.
My heart goes out to you and your wife. These are tender times that most converts go through and you’ve proven to be strong and get past shaytan’s biggest traps. With the month of Ramadan, it will be even easier insha Allah.
When I first converted, I was very lucky that Allah gave me a group of sisters who were not only pious and knowledgeable but also there for me on a daily basis. I think that this is what made me strong and overcome the very hard tests I had in the beginning.
Specifically, with family issues, times were very hard in the beginning, especially in the first 3 years, to the point that I thought my family would NEVER come around. Now, after 9 years, just yesterday, we went to visit a Greek friend of my mom’s for a cup of coffee….. well, they had coffee, I was fasting but you get the point.
It’s back to normal now.
My advice is to find at least one or two good brothers that you can hang out almost every day with and you will find that leaving your old habits and starting new good habits will be much easier.
I’m very happy to know that throughout all of this, you still have the remembrance of Allah in your heart and that He is always there for you, no matter what. Do not forget the mercy of Allah.
Looking forward to hearing from you and your wife on Wednesday’s online Ramadan gathering insha Allah.
Brother Adam and Sister Nicole
You are both close to my heart and my prayers. I feel what you feel. If you hurt I hurt. It is a coincidence that the very same week you was experiencing problems I had problems too. However not to that extend. Alhamdulillah.Anyway I was doing a constant check on myself and the outcome was always that I was lacking. I felt that I was not/am not what is expected of me. I had/have a constant battle with my wants and must haves.And then I knew that leaving Islam would never be the answer. Once you accept Islam is always in your heart. I know that it is better to be a sinful believer than a disbeliever. ( The less of two evils). But of course Allah swt knows what is in our hearts. I also find often that during Ramadan I get ill and I can not fast. So being surrounded by Muslims who find fasting plain sailing is not easy. Of course I want to attain perfection but as humans we can never be perfect. Anyway last Saturday gone , on the first day of Ramadan, I wore hijab in the office for the first time. I have no words. It was hard to see that others were treating me differently. On Sunday I was ill. Today I am ill. And everything that I was dreading is unfolding. But I make dua and ask for forgiveness. And I know Allah swt is watching out for all of us and Insha Allah me. Allah swt does not burden a soul beyond its capacity.And I know all of you are out there and I feel grateful and content. So please never give up . And I thank you for sharing your story with us. And I am also looking forward to meeting you and Nicole on Wed Ramadan meeting.
You also had some lovely comments from your local area. It could be that sometimes we do not tell people what we feel and they just do not know. So take care and Jazak Allah kheir form all of us . Xenia
Assalam Walaikum sisters and brothers alike,
Adams story reiderates the need for us to know each other.
I’d like to ask anyone who lives in the London area who is a revert to Islam to contact me. I will keep you up to date with our new Muslim events as well as keep you in touch with other Islamic events around the city.
My name is Lisa, I embraced Islam 16 years ago.Please feel free to conatct me.
dunglawi@hotmail.com
Masalam
Lisa
Xenia, congratulations on wearing hijab!!!! It reminds me of the first time I walked into the office with hijab. I had this huge paranoia that my colleagues were staring at me!! But, they just made a nice comment and went on with their day. Well, there was one man who asked me if I got married and that’s why I wore it that day (thinking I would take it off the next) LOL, but he was an exception.
The day after was smooth sailing.
Wa alaikum assalaam Lisa,
This is a very good initiative that you are taking on. May Allah reward you for that.
Salaam alaykum !!!!
Im assuming from the above comments that you two are from the London area…..
Insha Allah send me an email to my blackberry: midwifedaina@rogers.blackberry.net ….I totally understand what you are going through…I converted about 3 1/2 years ago and undergo this personal struggle which seems difficult to bear at some times…..
Insha Allah…a couple of friends and I are getting together for iftar this ramandan…it would be a great pleasure to have you two join us……it really sux being alone at this time and maybe we can all boost each others faith…..
Hit me up with an email as soon as you can and we can go from there insha Allah
Salaam
Sister Daina
Umma tul Rasulullah La tayasur min Ruhillah
Collective of Rasulullah do not despair from the Grace of God.
I think there’s sweetness and beauty in struggle, and we all waiver individually in varying degrees to our relationship with Allah. But that relationship gets stronger by these trials, and Allah does not burden a soul more it can handle. Even if we know this, we need to be reminded and constantly aware of this connection with Allah.
Although I’ve lived around this Muslim/not-yet Muslim society and know you guys for years, my family is Muslim so I can’t judge your struggle. I think struggles are very individual, and all we could do is advise for the love we have for each other.
Leaving one’s faith. Note that it’s faith not religion, so leaving it would be rejecting what you believe is true. Everything external testifies what is true or false, and you internalize what is true. And family is fundamentally a true piece, with the values it represents. But you’re balancing that with the ultimate truth, there is no God but Allah. That would be a hard balance, but know your priorities: Allah then everything else. And know you will loose everything when you die, and be raised on the day of Judgement saying “Nafsi, Nafsi” (Me, Me) concerned with your self and everyone else will say the same thing, except the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upn him) who will say “Ummati, Ummati” (My Ummah). That is the harsh reality, but also know you dont have to choose between your family and no one, you have a good community of Muslim brothers and sisters and I could testify to that…London!!
Now about alcohol, understand why it is prohibited, to preserve you, your soul, your heart, your family, your society.
With peace,
Fayez
PS You write just the way you talk!!
Assalamu alaikom Br Adam and Sr Nicole,
Although I do not know you personally,I just wanted to say that we as Muslims share a lot of struggles in one way or another.The prophet (pbuh) said: “This material world is a prison to the believers and a paradise to the disbelievers” because we as believers leave a lot of the pleasures of this world for the sake of Allah while disbelievers indulge in every possible disobedience without any remorse or regret , unaware of the consequences that await them.May Allah reward you both for overcoming you desires and you should know that your conversion alone is a sign of how much Allah loves for He chose you among millions of disbelievers to walk on His strait path.So when you talk about the inclinations that you had, it just shows how much satan tries to misguide true believers.It’s a never ending struggle for as long as we live,but we should never give up and should always have faith that everything that happens is a test from Allah and that by overcoming this test we are one step closer towards attaining paradise by God’s mercy.May Allah give you strength on His path and be assured that you will be rewarded for your patience with something better than this world and all that’s in it.
Salams
Br. Adam and others,
Please watch this video. It’s really AMAZING practical advice for any new convert. I wish I had this available to me when I first converted.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlLSmC5OWFI