When Nabeel met Nadia…an islamic wedding part 2
August 9, 2009 by Guest Author
Read in Greek/ Διαβαστε στα Ελληνικα
For the Islamic marriage to be legal there are certain conditions to be fulfilled.
Narrated Uqba bin Amir: Allah’s apostle said, “From among all the conditions which you have to fulfill, the conditions which make it legal i.e. the marriage contract has the greatest right to be fulfilled.” (Book #50, Hadith #882)Bukhari
1) The Mahr to be agreed upon and paid.
A Muslim husband has to agree a financial deal with the prospective wife before marriage. This money present is known as the mahr, and is a payment made to the bride which is hers to keep and use as she wishes.
The reason is that even if the girl has nothing, she becomes a bride with property of her own. If the bride later seeks a divorce which the husband does not wish for, she is allowed to return him the money and seek what is known as a khula divorce.
At the time of the Prophet (pbuh), a man wanted to get married and he had no property to offer for mahr……. When Allah’s Apostle saw him going, he ordered that he be called back. When he came, the prophet said, “How much of the Qur’an do you know?” He said, “I know such sura and such sura,” counting them. The prophet said, “Do you know them by heart?” He replied, “Yes.” The prophet said, “Go, I marry her to you for that much of the Qur’an which you have.” (Book #62, Hadith #24) Bukhari
2) The nikah
The actual Muslim wedding is known as nikah. It is a simple ceremony.
According to sharee’ah, marriage is done through the contract between the two spouses, with the consent of the woman’s guardian and in the presence of two witnesses. Such a contract is complete even if there is no celebration or party.
There are certain things which are basic to all Muslim marriages. Marriages have to be declared publicly. They should never be undertaken in secret. The publicity is usually achieved by having a large feast, or walimah - a party specifically for the purpose of announcing publicly that the couple are married and entitled to each other.
They invite people to a feast on this occasion as an expression of joy and to publicize the marriage, all of these are things which are mustahabb (encouraged) on the occasion of marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Announce marriage.” (Narrated by Ahmad, 4/5; classed as saheeh by al-Haakim, 2/200; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1072).
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf when he got married, “Give a feast, even with one sheep.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1943; Muslim, 3475).
So this is all. If we look at the prophetic teachings no extravaganzas were encouraged or performed at the weddings.
There are ahadith that prescribe the prophet’s(saw) own walimahs.
Narrated Anas: A banquet of bread and meat was held on the occasion of the marriage of the prophet to Zainab bint Jahsh. I was sent to invite the people (to the banquet), and so the people started coming (in groups); they would eat and then leave. Another batch would come, eat and leave (Book #60, Hadith #316) Bukhari
But going back to the Islamic weddings of our times.
Instead of having a simple ceremony just praying and asking for Allah’s blessingsaccording to the prophetic teachings and examples, we often have blaring music, waste of food, money, free mixing between the sexes, relaxed hijab rules and immense financial burdens.
May Allah protect us all from abandoning the Qur’an and the sunnah of our beloved prophet (saw) and grant us the wisdom to obey Him.
Thanks Xenia for sharing your perspectives on Islamic marriages. A few observations:
1. Dowry:
I noticed in the Greek tradition, it’s customary for the bride to give the “prika” or dowry but if you sit back and think about it, it really should be the other way around as Islam dictates since men are responsible for financially maintaining their wives.
2. Customs
I agree with what you are saying about extravaganza, wasting or doing haram things during weddings. There is something interesting I learned when studying fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence) and that is that “bil maroof” or “with what is approved/acceptable/customary/good in that society” actually has a part of Islamic law.
To simplify, in this case of marriage, it is acceptable and good to do it according to the norms of the society you live in. That is why you see Muslim wedding in Malaysia would be totally different than Muslim weddings in Qatar which would be totally different from Muslim weddings in Greece.
Let’s say in Qatar (where many Qataris are filthy rich LOL
), they might spend 40 000 euro on a wedding but for them, they are rich so that doesn’t seem like a lot and they are not wasting, where as If I spend 40 000 euro, woooowwwwwwww. 
So, my point is, “maroof” has its place in Islamic law.
Subhanallah. Islam does not tell us to change our culture and that’s where “bil maroof”comes in and makes Islam easy to follow, no matter from which part of the world you come from and no matter what the culture is. So eg in Greece we would have a nice traditional Greek wedding with all the trimmings.Maybe something like the film. No need to mention which. lol
Why I commented on the extravaganzas is because people feel this pressure to spend and even if they can not afford it. Islamically there is no such pressure. It can be simple and legal even if you have nothing or very little to spend. i suppose is a kind of social pressure to spend and compete. I have attended both situations. mega extravaganzas and simple ceremonies in the mosque. For me it was the simple that captured my heart. A little Qur’an reading in the mosque, a small khutba (lecture) with sound advice for the young couple and their relatives and a very simple meal.
Regarding the proika matter I remember the pressure dads had when a new daughter was born in the family in Greece. It goes back a few years though.But Islam 1400 ago app made this proika matter and the financial pressure on the girl’s family extinct. I remember my dad in those days how he was under pressure to get me and my sister some kind of property for our future. I think we were only 5 and 10 at the time. The struggle was on for him. What for? However what we both value and remember him by is not the proika but his strive to give both me and my sister an education. And Islam says ” educate your daughters”. This is the best proika one can give their daughters.